tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35739272011-04-21T12:53:35.202-07:00The power of words is all I have. <br> This is your chance to escape<br> Before you fall down my rabbit hole.DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comBlogger1041100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1139820940800596202006-02-13T00:54:00.000-08:002006-02-13T00:55:40.813-08:00

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1137476124616894982006-01-16T21:30:00.000-08:002006-01-16T21:35:24.626-08:00

I Carry Your Heart I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatevera sun will always sing is you here is the deepest

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1130436053013881082005-10-27T10:50:00.000-07:002005-10-27T11:00:53.026-07:00

After years of searching, heartbreak, tragedy and cynicismAfter explorations through the deepest, darkest realms of heart, intimacy and desireThrough cycles of self immolation and resurrectionHe answered my quantum incantationAnd 10 months from the day we intersected on the gridWe married.The Dopamine Junkie is officially pledged to the most Worthy 0ne, the 0nly 0ne.I wrote this to a friend, a

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1127195288298028422005-09-19T22:28:00.000-07:002005-09-19T22:48:34.226-07:00

The height of my seasonOne I usually spendBurning Man > Folsom Street Fair > Decompression giving way to Halloween and the HolidaysA night like tonight reminds meOf every quickening I've ever feltOf the deep breaths of thick relentless life I have drunkTonight, a full moonThe last of the summer Autumn comes and I rememberThunder, my will, cracking the skyElectricity in the airI feel myself

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1121180599493311252005-07-12T08:02:00.000-07:002005-09-01T09:57:22.943-07:00

>>>I am excited beyond wordsMore than I have ever been about anything in my lifeMore than I have ever hopedThe confluence of events, the timingthe pain and loss reframed as the unique configuration requiredto bring me to this point>>>I am old skool wholesome Anne of Green Gablesridiculous butterflies shy boygirl excitedThis year the story of my life makes a profound andwonderful turnGives me the

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1111352980749931172005-03-20T12:54:00.000-08:002005-03-20T13:10:01.526-08:00

yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.yes.OMFG. YES.Recent clickstream:How to Hypnotize a ManHysterical PantiesFor bejeweled rosebuds30 hottest things you can say to a woman, VIBEKILLEDIt puts the lotion on its skin. . . Fuck VDAY galleryHow to cope with a break-upThe Sadness of Sex: Dramatic Love Story in 10 parts.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1109916795721392192005-03-03T21:10:00.000-08:002005-03-03T22:13:15.726-08:00

Scroll down and click "Not today, my little one"Trepanation is back in style.One step closer to finding the ultimate theory of everythingDrugs I Need: The SongSteve, Don't Eat it!Brilliant Fark PshopBaconWhoresMy Favorite WordListening to the mind listening Look. Kitties. More on Quantum Teleportation

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1109315607161512452005-02-24T23:02:00.000-08:002005-02-24T23:15:06.440-08:00

An excerptAprendiz de todo, maestro de nadaBeen drifting through this life fulfilling functionsNothing quite intentionalAlways just been pretty good at picking things upThe question posed to me:"Is there anything more important in your life than the quest for love?"I can honestly say, although I've been cynical and jaded and bitterCloaked in myths and ritualsThere is nothing, not even anything

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1109140269734247482005-02-22T22:28:00.000-08:002005-02-22T22:31:09.736-08:00

Excerpt from correspondence:What if I told you I am fluid, a switch?That although I am not a masochist I find power in my vulnerabilityI used to experience loss of selfTied up and erased and left to dangle in the cornerI would relax myself against my bondsLetting my weight be cradled by the ropeCount myself down to subspace5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0 _____________*Exhale all the air in my bodyI

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1108788365085596482005-02-18T20:44:00.000-08:002005-02-18T20:46:05.086-08:00

I have once suspected that each human life, regardless of how intrincate and populous it is, in reality consists of but one instant, the moment in which a man forever discovers who he actually is. - Jorge Luis Borges

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1108062094433983482005-02-10T08:38:00.000-08:002005-02-10T11:58:52.986-08:00

41 days into 2005. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. [ My consort has arrived.] Authenticity/Refinement for the 30th year around the sun in this shell Soul Work: Exercises in dissolving/deconstruction/discipline/discernment/deployment: __options/opportunities to use my vox, text, brain, experience and intuition __stillness and meditation in the midst of many flattering

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1106350145692625732005-01-21T15:06:00.000-08:002005-01-21T15:29:05.693-08:00

Reading Salvador Dali's Diary of A Genius, "I have never denied my fertile and elastic imagination the most rigorous means of investigation." "La pensée console de tout et remédie à tout. Si quelquefois elle vous fait du mal, demandez-lui le remède du mal qu'elle vous a fait et elle vous le donnera." - Nicolas de Chamfort Dopamine Junkie = Professional Muse: "Elevated levels of dopamine in

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1106080851287396132005-01-18T13:35:00.000-08:002005-01-18T12:40:51.286-08:00

Upon being found and recognized: Light speed perceived. Time at a standstill. Neither here nor there. Feeling kinda quantum Everything and nothing. Always and never. Standing threshold. Just sitting still and letting my mind perform for me While my consciousness hangs out in half-lidded daze 2 extropians exploring entheospace Driven by shared need Not just for recursive reflection or consort

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1105344607463159002005-01-09T23:22:00.000-08:002005-01-11T00:02:16.503-08:00

I.K.U. Zephoria: my new data crush GTD Analog Caodaism Autistic Vampires? I need a playmate for this so badly. Esoteric Science Resource Center Human Doormat Hentai Dictionary SF Fetish Ball 2005 Someone wants tickle Meditation changes the brain's electrical pattern Everyone else has had more sex than me. (Warning: Music starts immediately) Molecular Biology of Paradise Original Sushi Pillow

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1104704151822905962005-01-02T04:40:00.000-08:002005-01-02T14:17:28.373-08:00

I felt the Universe contract today. Maybe it was my uterus, so influenced by the moon Maybe it was my heart, straining against its bondage Maybe it is a disturbance in the ethers Whatever it is the frequency I inhabit is whipping its tail The wild oscillation of the wave mimicing the tsunami. . . Multiplicity, global decompartmentalization Melt it all down and simmer and stir Till every false

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1104659004550527032005-01-02T01:29:00.000-08:002005-01-02T01:43:24.550-08:00

These dalliances and distractions may not persist. They detract from focus and the goals at hand. While praxeology is fascinating and some people are nice I'm not looking to procreate but my Will to Power is Unquenchable The Natural Elimidate Hard to separate the mating from the dating. From Alain de Boton's Consolations of Philosophy: ---------------------------------- Schopenhauer refused

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1104638445105649622005-01-01T19:54:00.000-08:002005-01-01T20:00:45.106-08:00

Dopamine Overload December is over. Time to put the focus goggles back on. Universe expanding too quickly once again. Redirect focus, dissolve cords connected to my vibrations. Strap on, dig in, lock and load. Transform and roll out. Happy New Year, dj

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1104201305565788852004-12-27T18:20:00.000-08:002004-12-27T21:11:35.943-08:00

Natural Selection Acts on Quantum World Vice Guide to Everything Motohiko Kotokuta Pimps and Dragons Eccentric Genius Soulwax: What's your Vice? PsycPort Gadget Fetish The Clanging Symbol Tokyo Girls Quotes on Insanity Malthusian Relativity Neil Gaiman's Journal Floating Bed Growing Up Sexually: A World Atlas Synopsis of the Alien Master plan

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1104200362166428092004-12-26T02:15:00.000-08:002004-12-27T18:19:22.166-08:00

[ excerpts from Christmas correspondence ] The post Christmas stupor hit hard this year. Aided by liquor, the high energy super fast vibrations created by a family of female energy. Since Papa died, it's Mama and us 5 daughters. We celebrated Christmas Eve with my mother's sister and her 2 daughters. It was raucous. A ruckus. Imagine that choir of women, lovely asian women from 52 down to

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1103740294421271822004-12-22T10:29:00.000-08:002004-12-22T10:31:34.420-08:00

A story of warmth amidst the bitter New York cold, An effort of ephemeral confluence Two actors – he by profession, I, by respiration Slip quickly and easily into a trusting familiarity Into the kind of passion between two people that lights too easily, the flame burning so brightly and quickly that it evaporates just as wax melts off a candle. I think about my new lover, who slipped So

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1102059073397470192004-12-02T23:29:00.000-08:002004-12-03T00:53:34.406-08:00

I. [ Girl slumped back onto couch, wiggling thighs. The boy looks over. ] Boy: "What are you doing with your legs there?" Girl: "Nothing." Boy: "Looks like you're agitating their intersection." [ Girl blushes ] II. "All six feet, one hundred and ninety three pounds of me . . . does what he's told." III. "Does imagining me in a locked leather collar, leash, harness and locked bondage mitts

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1101842976633185112004-11-30T11:27:00.000-08:002004-11-30T11:29:36.633-08:00

Eerily accurate description of a Dopamine Junkie's behavior (some, not all).

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1101838139790889452004-11-30T10:05:00.000-08:002004-11-30T10:08:59.790-08:00

Dopamine Junkie, bemused: What attracts a man? A physical shell and his projected ideals. In the past I have been all too willing to exercise my ability to animate the projection, to adapt and fit and bolster the weaknesses of the male ego, etc. etc. I thought it was a talent to be supportive and selfless and empathetic and compassionate. To fulfill needs that are never even asked outright,

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1096583158301674442004-09-30T15:23:00.000-07:002004-09-30T15:25:58.303-07:00

Dopamine Junkie has been on your mind. I know, I can feel it The cycle, the orbit Returns to me Your unsolved problem When you think of what intrigues you Do you see my face? When you think of the word Unique Am I there? I close the cursive capital D To show I can keep your secrets When you want to be surprised Understood and delighted When you want to be excited You reach into your

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1094504874662482672004-09-07T02:41:00.000-07:002004-09-07T12:21:33.083-07:00

I have been mourning Barry all week. In the Jewish way - meaning there are rituals, there are prayers and most importantly, there is a time of day allotted to mourning. So that the sadness does not bleed through to the other hours of the day. This practice resonated with me. All things in their right time. A time, a space, a home for every emotion. I have said a Kaddish in Hebrew now about 8

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1094585490928718772004-08-25T22:24:00.000-07:002004-09-07T12:31:30.926-07:00

August 25, 2004 10:24 p.m. Valley Village, CA Script for my own Catharsis Tonight I will exercise my memory to the point of keenest remembrance To recall my final hours with Barry Lee Jacobs Before his plane crashed out of the sky at Burning Man Last year on August 30th, 2003. I have not been able to relive these memories I could not turn my focus inward to them I could never forget, will

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1093472978827521252004-08-25T15:28:00.000-07:002004-08-25T15:29:38.826-07:00

My hand writes while my eyes are closed, the streams of subconscious: Just a while. Just a while. How do you kill it? I ask of my Domina Jane Die, who looks down at our heel and takes aim. Hold still, she says, I’m going to shoot it off. She takes aim and I will never be the same. What’s the secret key, I wonder. I just want to make it clean…. Barry’s mouth, his voice, his touch. The grip of

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1093472851510149522004-08-20T15:25:00.000-07:002004-08-25T15:27:31.510-07:00

My grandma, Emilia Concepcion De Jesus, passed away 2 hours ago. She'd been in the hospital for almost a month. I want to tell you though, that I don't see in my past a pile of dead bodies to grieve anymore. Papa - RIP April 2003 Barry Jacobs (boyfriend)- RIP September 2003 Lolo (paternal grandfather) - RIP October 2003 Lola (paternal grandmother) - RIP August 2004 Gracious exits, all of them.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1092764195158753872004-08-17T10:34:00.000-07:002004-08-17T10:36:35.160-07:00

I must watch what I say to myself I must guard against my own defenses I forget the power of my wishes I forget the power of my beliefs Here in my hands, my fingers I write to express my love and longing Longing for a taste of life and synergy To be something more than a projection brought to life Even now I can feel the difference ISO submissives and lovers and Animus ISO comfort, intimacy,

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1092678493241614532004-08-16T10:47:00.000-07:002004-08-16T10:48:13.240-07:00

A dream of darkness No light to see Only voices around me Some voices are close, others further away Some are faint, some are strong Everyone is talking to me at the same time And I am doing my best to listen to them all Not frightened of the darkness But somehow trying to make sense of the babble Which voices are from within me? Representing my needs Which voices are the needs of others? A

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1092334262630237592004-08-12T11:05:00.000-07:002004-08-12T11:11:02.630-07:00

Something I forgot Focus and anxiety don’t mix If you associate focus with relaxation This must be why Despite the latest personal tumult My work-state hasn’t faltered I’ve been swinging through The degrees of the pendulum Momentum resulting from my own gravitas Awareness can exist Without the behavior to match it Misalignment of the body and spirit I remind myself, yet again Beware of the

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1092333904095066822004-08-12T11:02:00.000-07:002004-08-12T11:05:04.096-07:00

Sunday, August 8, 2004 I could not sleep at all last night. Although I was at home I felt I wanted to be awake to keep my Lola company in the conscious wee hours of the night. What does time mean to her now anyway? We have been waiting for my Tito Bernie, the last son to get here from Manila. They had problems with his visa, and sheer force of will alone has been keeping my grandmother

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1091936173012706492004-08-07T19:40:00.000-07:002004-08-07T20:36:13.013-07:00

Love is the best Medicine.. Degree Confluence. Collective Unconscious?

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1091845311844367122004-08-06T19:16:00.000-07:002004-08-06T19:21:51.846-07:00

___I know, my good boy_____ I know bad boys want to be good I know how to extract the sweetness and the goodness from you. I know you want to give up control, to follow directions, to be watched, scrutinized and disciplined and rewarded for a job well done. I seek someone who wants to be of Use. If you want attention If you want a little affection If you need a firm hand If you want to

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1091833333559683812004-08-06T16:01:00.000-07:002004-08-06T16:02:13.560-07:00

Give Me a Light [ says my Subconscious ] I swear I deserve a cigarette For all that work today (btw, u should eat something too i'm about to shut you down if you don't pay attention to that grumbly sound) Good work not just today but always I know we've just been doing the best we can it's been tough; we've had to be clever and quick observing and adapting But check your results Isn't this

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1091773013459470382004-08-05T22:40:00.000-07:002004-08-12T11:01:56.683-07:00

It has come to my attention Or rather bubbled up to the forefront of my conscious awareness That the various archetypes, numbers, and evidence which define me Label me an Infinite Spark. On an energy plane On that grid of ether I am vibrating so infintesimally fast and strong My energy, when you are connected to it Can spark you and quicken you temporarily Since I have not been aware of

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1088119920824044282004-06-24T16:31:00.000-07:002004-06-24T16:32:00.823-07:00

Enough time to heal, to self destruct, to resurrect? But the heart flies up from the flames of its own volition If he's not the One He is my New Proto-type ___________________________________ Hypnosis is the state of escape, the flight rather than fight, precipitated by an overload of message units/input/sensory stimulus when it spills over the normal capacity for the mind's critical filter to

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1088119723182968562004-06-24T16:28:00.001-07:002005-02-18T09:02:58.136-08:00

June 1, 2004Needle PhobicTo be in love is a choiceDesire: a Meme, a Virus?I hate needles the same as anyone elseAnd I never did no smackBut when I think of falling, of being “in love”I feel like I must close my eyes and grit my teethOffering my juiciest, plumpest veinTo the sharp prick of your Love InjectionBearing the puncture of my delicate membranesIn greedy anticipation of that distinct rush

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1088119661214048032004-06-24T16:20:00.000-07:002004-06-24T16:27:41.213-07:00

DANGER: THE FOLLOWING TRANSMISSION IS FOR ADVANCED USERS ONLY. CONTENTS MAY CAUSE EXTREME DISORIENTATION FOR IMMATURE MINDS. DO NOT CONSUME ALL AT ONCE. NOT FOR THE SOLIPSISTIC MINDED. DIRECTED AT THOSE WHO CAN PARSE IT, CAN FEEL IT, AND WHO READ THE WHOLE THING TO SEE IF IT'S ABOUT THEM. OTHERWISE, A PIECE OF SUBCONSCIOUS LITERATURE. Sprinkling catalysts in my wake, DJ See below:

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1077542279928930042004-02-23T05:17:00.000-08:002004-02-23T05:20:46.246-08:00

. . . a chastity belt with teeth . . . a kennel for the night . . . curious insertions . . . fingernails on a raised welt [ A beautiful Confessor + Your litany of sins = Where the fun begins ] You said you were sorry I said I was sorry too Sorry it had to come to this again Both breathless from exertion But we’re only warming up But seriously I understand Your troubled conscience Petty evils

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1073538784027866262004-01-07T21:13:00.000-08:002004-01-07T21:13:23.943-08:00

How long do we mourn a loss When the mourning is for ourselves When others say, Enough Already! When those set free may be released into whatever is After or Beyond How long can I keep up the forward march Eyes ahead and Head on top, floating above the water It's a long swim to move away from some painful maelstrom When there are rip tides in every emotional trigger Sometimes paddling out hard

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1066028677544457482003-10-13T00:03:00.000-07:002003-10-13T00:04:37.683-07:00

the port is open. as am i. as is the whole world. i am simply a stone in the center of a pond the water flows around me currents, ripples, oscillating waves there is no hurt all past hurts have been levelled this year. i start fresh at ground zero surveying the aftermath counting the survivors calculating loss there is no intrinsic worth in anyone only perceived needs between people it is

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1065124782727320922003-10-02T12:54:00.000-07:002003-10-02T12:59:42.066-07:00

A series of losses - my father in April, my grandfather just a few weeks ago. And my love, who died in the plane crash at Burning Man this year. I chronicled my losses without my pseudonym here. There is always more to write, as my story plays itself out. From wifey to Dopamine Junkie to the Little One to Domina Jane Die. This year I am a grieving daughter, granddaughter, and now I also

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-1059065150809424372003-07-24T10:17:00.000-07:002003-07-24T10:17:40.590-07:00

Papa died April 15. I was in Manila from April 18 - June 1. Been in LA / SF testing the buoyancy of my network and fuelling my need for animus. Postulants abound BLACK REIGN Can you make something from nothing? Or is nothing not what you see when you see me? Do you have a choke collar linked to a short leash For this dog begging to grovel at your gold-tipped feet? Sometimes I find I

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-2002537852003-05-06T22:36:00.000-07:002003-05-06T22:36:16.393-07:00

I've been in Manila for the past month. My father died. DJ and heart are on hold. Engage radio silence for awhile. thank you, the dopamine junkie

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-2001407522003-04-13T09:43:00.000-07:002003-04-13T09:43:15.233-07:00

I've been in Southern Cali with family "rehabilitating" my broken heart. And in a masochistic way, I needed the close supervision of sisters and my mother to keep tabs on my post breakup cigarette binge. It's my turn to submit, I guess. Not to someone but to the waters flowing around me. Being with family during this time is like a gentle watsu.. And I give up the holding on of my heart

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-2000973722003-04-04T08:29:00.000-08:002003-04-04T08:29:30.260-08:00

[ Estrangement ] It is time to write about my lover. The internet served me up to him. Word play delicious, Mind play delicious, Heart love, engaged, Sex play, domme-daddy-licious. He is an older man of 43. We have been dating for about six months. Relationship recently ended due to irreconcilable complications with his responsibilities to his estranged wife of 10 yrs and their 11 yo

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-904025672003-03-03T18:06:00.000-08:002003-03-03T18:06:27.000-08:00

My smallness beside your bigness is obvious you grow huger still to encompass and protect me but can you catch up to all my edges? you see territory conquered white stones marching outward pseudopods engulfing secrets and desires you wonder, how easy? worry, is this all there is? but look up, and look down a dimension above or next door you didn't consider, maybe didn't notice I've been

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-903530592003-02-20T21:05:00.000-08:002003-02-20T21:05:49.540-08:00

feb 13 awake let voicemail take all calls from bday well wishers a choice to be silent meds. send out reverse surprise party email announcing time and space coordinates where I will sit and wait and see who receives the broadcast and wishes to intersect prepare for yoga yoga 2 eggs scrambled, medium well hamburger patty, grits and biscuits, orange juice and coffee prepare foods to taste eat

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-903193312003-02-13T11:10:00.000-08:002003-02-13T11:10:10.126-08:00

That means this blog and this identity is 2 years old? When I got up today I had a splitting headache like I haven't had in weeks. Why today? I am getting ready to go to yoga. I will go to yoga. I will take some books and read them in some random cafe. I will observe the rain and the bird life and the daywalkers. I will be quiet, and let the voicemail answer all calls. I will listen to them all

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-903081912003-02-11T09:43:00.000-08:002003-02-11T09:50:01.000-08:00

Last night I slipped into the cool cotton nest of blankets and pillows I am warmer sleeping nekkid and so I do Made my coccoon around my own self Pillows at my sides, my head, my feet, between my knees and one to hug Tucked in the blankets all around. But I had a hard time to sleep. Maybe too much reading and conspiracy theories? I treated myself to some used books from Green Apple. In the

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-903056052003-02-10T20:20:00.000-08:002003-02-10T20:20:01.950-08:00

My egg fetish goes back to egg-shaped rocks, which I loved to collect and bring with me into my bath as a child, where I would use the rock egg like a bar of soap on my body, liking the smoothness of it. I am an egg people. I am waiting for Egg People to be created by some Japanese or Korean toy manufacturer. I want to build an Egg Room, and Egg shaped sauna and an Egg sensory deprivation

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-903054942003-02-10T19:47:00.000-08:002003-02-10T19:47:45.340-08:00

With little else to do than attend to my therapy and health, my responsibilities dwindle. I live 400 miles from family, so I am free from regular obligations to family service. I have only myself to sustain. I have few possessions, mostly souvenirs and relics of my lifelong eccentricity. My resume means SHIT now that I can't get keyboard heavy type jobs anymore due to the RSI. So what's a CAN

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-902988982003-02-09T11:08:00.000-08:002003-02-09T11:09:43.000-08:00

That was my challenge to myself and the host of men who responded to this posting in CL W4M in Jan 2001: inside you inside me there is an inner freak. can you help me release it? can i help you release it? First stroke through words, as the mind is our most powerful and seductive organ. Looking for an intellectual connection with someone who understands the darker chambers of desire that we

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-902921682003-02-07T09:59:00.000-08:002003-02-07T09:59:21.060-08:00

INHALE, then EXHALE and CLICK Don't Give A Dose to the One you love Most, by Shel Silverstein/ GIF/wikipedia/ rhymerator - so you wanna be an emcee, huh?/The Smoke-Off, by Shel Silverstein/ bukkake!/strip tetris/Ukiyo-E/ Cutethulhu/Them: you know who they are, they know who you are!/ Neurotic poets!/Warped e-cards/corset connection/dare to sing/ed freeman photography/ pop visual bombardment

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-902880592003-02-06T13:28:00.000-08:002003-02-06T13:28:57.273-08:00

Impermanence written in the sand Watching the horizon while waiting For waves to lap at my feet My hands clutching wood Suddenly the moment is endless Sleeping and waking on the shore As color burns and light fades I was a flypaper sticky with flies Indigestions from gluttonous eyes Saccadic compulsive too much looking and not enough seeing too much doing not enough being Freed from work and

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901908132003-01-15T20:31:00.000-08:002003-01-15T20:39:05.000-08:00

when i'm lost and alone and in the wild wild woods where nothing can lift me up, and love only weighs me down there is one, the yin to my yang we pace alongside we center one another my best friend i tell him, cigarettes and pills and negative and what is right? the One should facilitate your growth enabling you to be more you, the best you nothing is perfect, all are flawed but virtual

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901902132003-01-15T17:28:00.000-08:002003-02-07T16:07:10.000-08:00

I've been screaming into the ether, "plastering myself all over the internet" as one stalker put it, for two solid years now, here, as the Dopamine Junkie. I expect few to read, my writings are rants, they inspire loathing for my creature - whining, teasing, turning away from myself always, wanting love, claiming not to need it, claiming strength in text to somehow bolster my real-life

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901800532003-01-13T16:44:00.000-08:002003-01-13T16:52:11.000-08:00

. . . . my life is fluxing and flowing i wake up never knowing what to be sure of anymore my head and mind in league reasoning myself into obscurity narrowing all possibility drowning with hopeless contigencies nothing seems linear, and linear seems right but i have a hard time being that way the power of now is just not get in the car and drive and consequences be damned the power of now

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901724562003-01-11T16:32:00.000-08:002003-01-11T16:33:40.000-08:00

I want a kiss that tastes like destiny and I want a life affirmed by change Let this roll of the dice be blessed with fortune if not forever then at least for now There's a time for movement and a time for hibernating but there's a time for waking from nebulous ideas gestating there is no born without the tearing away from the womb so safe and warm To forge ahead, could mean to forge alone

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901466562003-01-06T00:03:00.000-08:002003-01-06T00:05:17.000-08:00

Girl who protects me Steel tough and independent Borne of fear not love Inner compass, point Let love motivate my choice Courageous heart leads Don't hope, don't get hurt Self-doubt of the immigrants Who limit themselves Those who live, must love Those who love must lose, something Gambling hearts do gain There is no stay the same.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901420492003-01-04T11:35:00.000-08:002003-01-04T11:35:35.660-08:00

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens. J. R. R. Tolkien (1892 - 1973) What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act III The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. Carl Jung (1875 - 1961) Love

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901404992003-01-03T21:28:00.000-08:002003-01-03T21:28:02.343-08:00

Underneath a bodhi tree Self sits with spine erect Counting breaths and shadows flickering behind closed eyes Half smile, as prescribed Half smile, exhale As I watch the clouds go by Half smile, inhale Turn eyes toward sky Half smile, exhale Crunch of leaf beneath my stride Half smile, inhale Calms the palsy inside Reaction to stimulus Comes more than just 2 ways Oscillations can be surfed

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-901404892003-01-03T21:25:00.000-08:002003-01-03T21:25:54.230-08:00

Cringely's predictions for 2003 Yen to hear the twins singing to call Mothra? All Girl Summer Fun Band - some pop fix! No one died in Commercial airlines in 2002 - this is a good news! Another reason to not buy Gap Bonsai Potato Cryptonomicon Ko Pha Ngan Dance Collective - island paradise for those fleeing america, politics, stress and media influenced collective reality Truth in Advertising

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-900767372002-12-20T10:47:00.000-08:002002-12-20T10:50:37.000-08:00

My love awoke today With less love for me she says I exhaled and braced myself for another one of her beautiful storms One can never predict her weather A few hours ago I counted her breaths until she slept Each night I do this and my heart swells with the loving of this creature It is never easy with her, nothing is Except her compassion for those in need of care and protection Sometimes she

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-900733712002-12-19T14:27:00.000-08:002003-02-07T16:18:09.000-08:00

Piggy was one from the first Hunt. I had him choose a sub name. His choices were: George ( from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf ) or Piggy ( from Lord of the Flies ). An experienced submissive and long time player, Piggy was well trained by previous owners, who included some of the "foremost" Mistresses of the Bay Area - namely, Kira Veritas, Josephine and Morgana. I was worried about my

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-900727082002-12-19T11:37:00.000-08:002002-12-20T08:35:32.000-08:00

Gift ideas for the special woman in your life! Vipon �EI don't think I'll actually want to try this one. But I would love the vi-pen! Time to clean out the closet Time for the confessional Time to chronicle what may be forgotten The new year is coming round It is important to hit the ground running this new year And therefore my hand and my heart Must let go of unnecessary emotional baggage

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-900704012002-12-18T23:49:00.000-08:002003-02-07T16:10:46.000-08:00

I love my mini disc player more than any other personal electronic device. I love how it means all my music is like mixed tapes. Therefore I love Art of the Mix, where others upload their playlists of their theme based mixed tapes/cds/mds/whatever. All the Asians are talking about the Asian Squat short film. Old news if you went to any of the Asian American film festivals this year. Of course

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-900448792002-12-12T09:46:00.000-08:002002-12-12T09:46:20.453-08:00

The hollow days are here again But this year not as hollow Though no tree or light moves me to a cheery feeling Perhaps the absence of tv and radio media and my avoidance of malls keeps me from being infected anew from the christmas flu This time is fluxious for all a constant barrage of life trials unemployment and illness depressions and headaches disappointments and setbacks heartaches and

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-857169802002-11-25T21:47:00.000-08:002002-11-25T21:58:49.000-08:00

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high, where knowledge is free, where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls, where words come out from the depth of truth, where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection, where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit, where the mind is led

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-857169592002-11-25T21:40:00.000-08:002002-11-25T21:42:27.000-08:00

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856898072002-11-18T16:50:00.000-08:002002-11-25T21:59:37.000-08:00

I have just devoured, in less than 24 hours, The Famished Road, by Ben Okri . Despite my asian-ness, my love for literature from Africa has been life-long. The myths and stories enchant me, and when I read Alan Paton's Cry the Beloved Country I was only twelve or thirteen - I wept for the first time, I think, for the burdens of others, who were born into such a different life struggle.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856542422002-11-08T07:38:00.000-08:002002-12-11T20:17:19.000-08:00

I’ve been called a fool many times before by those who presented me with a gift of Love I could not accept they tell me I turn away when they get too close Either hide behind rage or shut down I know it isn’t good What is this thing then, that lives inside of me and tells me I’m not good enough tells me that the pain isn’t worth the risk reminds me over and over of the last time that Love got

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856382412002-11-04T11:10:00.000-08:002002-11-04T11:11:13.000-08:00

A few collected morning links: Visual Translation Lost in Translation The Eye And now, more words: ==================== things have slowed down reached a plateau felt like i was flying really high before these past few months my learning curve was just up and up and up that in itself, that upward trajectory kept me from really having feelings. Too busy forging into an Unknown

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856240502002-10-31T09:21:00.000-08:002002-10-31T09:21:38.000-08:00

The Sexiest Sentence Alive . Whatever that means.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856240292002-10-31T09:14:00.000-08:002002-10-31T09:14:48.273-08:00

text is sex he said and I agree everything is code you look for someone with the key to unlock your meaning and desire maybe your dna text is sex I believe you *can* procreate this way we're all codes waiting to be deciphered waiting to be understood break my code tumble the locks get down here and whisper to me in the most basic language on the lowest level where I am programmed to blossom

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856210042002-10-30T14:21:00.000-08:002002-10-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

Googlism . Enter Dopamine Junkie! Also try infintesimalme.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856117422002-10-28T10:40:00.000-08:002002-10-28T10:41:38.000-08:00

The task is near done PC sits on floor alone last link to broadband last night a spider a showdown in my new room but i didn't kill it is a drafty room and quiet in this new house my girlfriend still stays sometimes with her parents seven blocks away eschewed the digi cable and waiting for dsl i am offline in so many ways walking to work today a new commute i felt ever so present in my body

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856037982002-10-25T18:52:00.000-07:002002-10-25T19:13:35.000-07:00

Scroll Down for my Favorite at the Bottom. "Xtina" Something Awful is just Too funny and I'm Only Laughing because I'm a nerd-girl and high on clouds.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-856008582002-10-25T00:07:00.000-07:002002-10-25T00:07:14.973-07:00

Nothing like a bitchy foul mouthed schoolgirl The kind that knows that men are looking at her tits Who understands early on, the sway of her hips The power to Hip-motize A girl on a swing, pushed by a boy favored Lollipop for the oral fixation Small pursed lips cherry or watermelon flavored Sticky with sugar Permits the man to tie her shoelace and pull her slouched socks up taut over calves

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-855998932002-10-24T17:09:00.000-07:002002-10-24T17:09:19.563-07:00

makes me happy many times when I need a pick me up. Oh, and this too. And so does he. And this made me chuckle for 3 seconds A timely link, but disturbing, even for me And then there's the TRON clone, SWRON Tonight, I am going to this. Thanks for the smiles, Internet.

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-855991082002-10-24T13:26:00.000-07:002002-10-24T13:26:03.593-07:00

Heated womb emits vibrations tuned into the frequency? last night i fevered opened a window but couldn't cool down something's awake in me something is restless walking the chambers of my heart all alone lifetime of waiting wrong way to think

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-855958722002-10-23T18:28:00.000-07:002003-02-07T16:14:44.000-08:00

[ Another brain sputter, wildly fluxing . . uncensored . . beware of how you, the reader, ingest this information. It may pertain to you, but then again, it may not. But read through to the end. ] Dissatisfaction. I do understand that much of it is my own doing - the nature of the relationships I cultivate sets perhaps unreasonably high expectations, and I feel let down, probably equally

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-855900042002-10-22T10:40:00.000-07:002002-10-22T10:43:07.000-07:00

It is in my nature to turn away. For most of my life I had no sense of my image didn't notice that i wasn't white didn't notice that my life was not the brady bunch sat jealously at another dinner table as the civilized inquiries began as if the parents really cared about the answers included sometimes I waited for my turn to answer the question of a guidelike father so reassuring unlike my

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-855663862002-10-15T19:12:00.000-07:002002-10-15T19:12:23.790-07:00

[ third person ] she snagged her finger on her sweater and looked down at her raggedy nails the mani pedi could not come too soon when she stepped outside she saw the trash and recycling piled on the driveway she thinks that means it's only tuesday and yesterday was monday and it seemed an eternity had already passed and there's a whole week ahead in events, in people she looked forward to

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-855439592002-10-09T11:34:00.000-07:002002-11-25T22:28:49.000-08:00

A relief To be out of tight clothes, heels or platforms. To be wearing jeans and comfy shoes, no makeups. To be nondescript and unassuming. To revert back to a nerd-like self. sweats and t-shirts, tuna fish sandwiches and quesadillas. web surfing, blogging, elimidate. a dip in the hot tub which won't be mine anymore when i move back to the city at the end of the month. Mornings like this

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-855418732002-10-09T00:57:00.000-07:002002-10-09T09:16:31.000-07:00

It must be growing pains. Not that I'll ever get any taller than 5 ft., except in heels or platforms. My brand positioning is that of emotional distance. Fun, lighthearted with a deep soul. But without any real access, not even to myself. Which makes it difficult to sustain interest. I gave birth the other day. Her name is Domina Jane Die. She's eaten the Little One alive. DJD made her first

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-854958572002-09-26T12:55:00.000-07:002002-09-26T12:55:30.776-07:00

>>>> Tears at my desk this morning. . . [ an excerpt of a letter to another Mistress ] >>>> guess it's because part of me is so isolated and lonely and no one can relate in a way that offers adequate comfort reading the power of now - and i *am* being more conscious of being present in each moment what helps? enjoying the feeling of leather and silk stockings? enjoying the objectification

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-854917282002-09-25T13:39:00.000-07:002002-09-25T13:39:20.126-07:00

@ approximately 8.10 a.m. every morning I become inexplicably and strongly aroused perhaps it is the residue of a night of dreams I don't remember perhaps it is the morning air during this commute time I am powerless to fight it or sate it, the desire. I don't know why it is during this time when I feel the most feverish and wanting surrounded by humans and their energies I feel susceptible

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-854892342002-09-25T00:20:00.000-07:002003-02-07T16:06:08.000-08:00

i behold my own multiplicity how many am I unfamiliar what is notable in the arrangement of features so kindly donated by my kin? image with no content photoshop communion with myself narcissistic [ shrug ] when i'm lonely you see, i play with my selves with our faces. Last night the leather daddy is @ my home to take photos as per the original agreement i keep the gear if he photographs me in

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-854806282002-09-23T02:08:00.000-07:002002-09-23T02:16:02.000-07:00

my own arms cannot wrap around me nor can my lips brush my own with infinite tenderness savoring the crush stinging with sweetness my tongue cannot duel and yield with itself ephemeral union is not the answer skin doesn't help my armor cannot withstand the tender gaze or whispered words nor can i look away from couples who kiss with wild abandon and smile at each other with their hearts in

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-854806212002-09-23T02:05:00.000-07:002002-09-23T02:05:03.323-07:00

Singing rehearsals and gigs, therapy, headaches and breathing. Notably absent sexual appetite at a time of the month it should be most voracious. This weekend, a wedding to sing at, and a spot at a caning/boot worship booth at the Folsom Street Fair. Infected with the Lonely Domme Syndrome a strain of the Lonely Heart syndrome with the Domme twist Despite the projected fantasy and the

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-854433722002-09-12T11:28:00.000-07:002002-09-12T11:28:04.183-07:00

Despite all the activity of late, Burning Man, domming and subs, new friends and energies, the sense that I am defining myself by my actions as poly-inclined, I still need, want, one home for my heart, one embrace that feels like a permanent port It doesn't have to be for all times or exclusive or every night or every day I've been told by many that my embrace feels like home A friend told me,

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-854226622002-09-06T13:57:00.000-07:002002-09-06T14:00:27.000-07:00

Dopamine Junkie was a playa virgin. [ translation: I went to Burning Man for the first time ] it was intense, amazing, ephemeral. i had fun. i got BUCK wild. got nice and brown all over. debauchery, bacchanalia, sensual sensory overdose caught in a dust storm danced for my life every night all that jazz was naked or topless 75% of the time. best lsd trip ever, the night of the burn, perfect

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-853301782002-08-09T10:03:00.000-07:002003-02-07T16:11:53.000-08:00

I am trying to be honest and good and organized and centered and a channel of love but it's not easy when I falter. I am exploring why I need so much Animus, why I need to feed on power, use my dominant energies, why I still sleep alone, and wake alone, counting myself in and out of consciousness, elevator going ten floors up and ten floors down. Breathing deeply. Meanwhile the spiders are

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-853297462002-08-09T07:56:00.000-07:002002-08-10T22:16:49.000-07:00

I have never been more fluid, more myselves. An open mind, a sense of balance, confidence and graceful time management facilitates many simultaneous lives. it is 11.43 pm on Thursday evening. Stig just left after giving me one of the most satisfying massages ever, quickly away to answer the beckon of his most favored human. Rebel hacker with a roving command center van and a brainful of the

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-852491722002-07-15T00:28:00.000-07:002002-07-15T00:37:50.000-07:00

She's a little groggy and a little grouchy but she pulled through alright I guess Time for her to rub her eyes clean the filters . . . .so she can see Love is clean again.. DJ needs love seeks intimacy filled with longing hates to watch couples hand in hand how do they do it how long will they last does it matter? It's the time of weather and romantic movies lazy afternoon naps It should be

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-852364062002-07-10T10:56:00.000-07:002002-07-10T10:56:16.196-07:00

i'm getting closer to being in the field. clearing space around me i suppose to allow things to come my way means a little bit thinning out of the ranks i'm not the only one letting go. i'm being let go and I can feel it, the movement of my body away from another. I have this strange feeling of deja vu as if I've been here before at this place at a standstill because I didn't pass before I

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-852176642002-07-03T01:07:00.000-07:002002-07-03T01:07:35.473-07:00

in re: stuff my rsi's necessitate brevity ltd time on the keyboard succinct replies my personal definition of succinct: brief but still juicy like afternoon quickie therapy = 40% of time/energy ot = hands pt = back/neck/shoulders myofascial release = body work/pain release deep tissue massage = body work/pain release acupuncture = stress, pain Now I work "part time" means my salary cut in

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573927.post-852008932002-06-26T10:47:00.000-07:002002-06-26T10:51:05.000-07:00

I've been emotionally needy lately but I haven't been telling anyone about it really. No one has time to be leaned on, anyway. neediness stems from physical pain. and the release of pain. all the pt's and the mt's tell me I need to let go. Why can't I let go? i cry all the time in therapy they tell me it's natural when releasing pent up energy "emotional storehousing" all the feelings tied up

DopamineJunkiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09256960673547226581noreply@blogger.com